Signed up for what seems like hell in paradise!

For the last year or so I've been doing my very best to make a smooth transition into my new lifestyle to eventually reach the point where I don't think this is for me. They preach HONOR COURAGE COMMITMENT into our heads and recruiters take a very patriotic volunteer who signs up to serve their country and places them in environments with lazy bastards who only see their jobs as collecting pay checks instead of serving their country. I've never been in such an awful environment where moral and character lacks greatly.... On a positive note, I've been fortunate, or unfortunate, to live in Hawaii and I'm kinda enjoying the island life with the exception of being away from family. Anyway, the island has been awesome to me and the locals are wonderful people! Hawaii has so much culture compacted onto this tiny little island : ) I guess loving my job and loving the island is too much like wanting my cake and eating it too, or something like that lol These days my thoughts are consumed with getting out our staying in. As far as getting out, I'm excited to be potentially able to get back into what I love and deeply desire doing and that's working with animals. On the other end of things, with the economy still being shitty and health care going in such a negative direction, I'm being advised to stay in and complete my contract. These days are as tough as they are long.... I find myself looking for spiritual guidance but it seems as though it's nowhere to be found, or God is leaving me to figure this out on my own or challenging me to find different ways to listen to what his advice and instructions are for the direction of my life. I'm just hating the mixed answers and opinions I'm receiving from people I though loved and supported me. Seems as though I'm always stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's up to me to find a way to find peace of mind and be and do what I want to, I WANT TO! Guess I'm off to meditate and just sit still and listen to what God has to say to me. I think I'm done venting for the moment.....

Relationships

So stumbled upon this article where Deepak Chopra answered a question that relates to me in a way but not exactly.... (http://www.chopra.com/node/1006) I've been having issues, rather I'm becoming aware that something isn't right in that area of my life. I have an issues maintaining healthy romantic relationships and platonic relationships. Due to my past issues I've developed a bad habit of becoming dependent on individuals which eventually leads to them deciding to walk out of my life. I've since dealt with a great deal of those issues and have seen some improvement and more balance in the relationships I have with the limited amount of individuals who have stayed in my life regardless of my tough times... but, theirs still obviously some remaining issues. I've prayed about it, read a couple books, and several articles but haven't had much luck in answering my question, "what am I doing wrong in relationships?". I've never been a popular person or a real outgoing person so the lack of a significant amount of people around me is normal but the fact that I can't keep the ones I really value around disappoints and saddens me. So, once I discovered Deepak Chopra and began to follow his blogs, reading his books, and catching him on tv when I can, I began meditating and asking myself "Who am I?" Slowly over the last few months I've been successful at learning myself, understanding my habits, articulating how I am to another individual, and still learning to 100% love and accept me as I really am. With that being said, as I attempt to decipher the relationship issue I found the concept of "mirror image" a very interesting one. According to Deepak Chopra relationships are a mirror image of ourselves. In his book he states that a good relationship results from having a bond where you both are mirror images on the soul level. Deep stuff right? At least I though so anyway.... Now the challenge I've been faced with is learning from these relationships. I'm totally familar with the concept that some relationships are seasonal and others are permanent. Haven't had many permanent and those that are we've sort of outgrown each other and the communicatin is less frequent and minimal, something else I'm attempting to undertand and accept. Anyway, after reading that blog, my thoughts are all over the place in figuring out what I mirrored in each relationship and what was I supposed to learn from the ones that have "served their purpose." I'll begin by listing them and I'll spend minimum one day thinking and writing out what I learned from and what I mirrored in this particular person. Will use code or nicknames... 1)Meme 2)DG 3)JJ 4)Bud 5)MO 6)ex 7)6 mos 8)author 9)Fat kid 10)Cori 11)BSB 12)Berry Today I'll start with the first. The first one is my Grandmother who was taken away from me through death. I've been told by several people that I haven't really grieved her but I think I'm doin ok. What I take from her is that she taught me work ethic, morals, how to be tough, and what it means to set your mind on something and through education and awarness, go get it! I realize that my grandmother did serve her role in my life and through her death I gained a ton of independence and focus in order to do the things I wanted to do in life and because of her absence in my life I had to develop tough skin and become my own person in order to accomplish all of what I have so far. Although she passed when I was 15, now at 23 soon to be 24, I can still appreciate the subliminal life lessons I learned from her. Some days I wish I could ask her the most pressing questions I currently have as a young adult but it is what it is. The only thing I struggle with tho is rather or not she accepts all of who I've grown up to be? Knowing my grandmother, I'd say she would be delighted and very proud of me: ) I miss you lots though meme. The mirror there is unexplainable.... Everything I am deep down inside, is most of her because she raised me. My very positive, hardworking, compassionate,

So much has changed in a year.....So much to come

Sooooo, It's been a minute since I've posted on the blog and my life is different. I relocated home and I signed up for the Navy! Life the past 10 months has been very eye opening in so many ways. From the mental and physical, to relationships, jobs, religion, etc... I guess one could say I've had a "ahhh" moment as Oprah calls them but it does feel like the light bulb has finally went from dem to completely bright. My focus has been mostly on finding myself spiritually through "lifestyle" changes, being a more positive person, putting effort towards becoming mature, understanding failed relationships and attempting to make new ones. I've learned that everyone doesn't deserve your energy or the privilage of being incorporated in you life. I have to give some of this credit to reading books such as "Spiritual Solutions" which some people laugh and write off as bullshit but it is an alternative way of thinking apart from mainstream organized religion and people are often afraid of something they don't understand. I love reading Deepak Chopra books and his information. I also credit watching shows like Oprah's Master class. I've learned the true meaning and essence of "learning from someone else's mistakes." All in all, I recognize my need to improve as a person, I've incorporated some daily lifestyle changes, I'm reading more and being way more observant of the world around me, I'm refocused and moving towards a new set of goals, I've reevaluated people in my life and excluded a bunch,I am currently redeveloping my "circle", and learning to let some relationships go! None the less, this blog is just my thoughts.... Kind of like an open journal :) Scary thought but so what! "Life is constantly evolving, so should we"

Hello 2011

Finally settled into the new lifestyle, apartment, and job in good ole Texas. Feels good to be out of college and in the real world making decisions and even better, paying bills (sarcasm). Waco has been nice to me and the job is awesome with its ups and downs, as expected when working with primates :) Life is starting to make sense and things are feeling as though they are coming together one piece at a time. I have the job I wanted, the woman I want to be in love with, and I'm in a city where I'm comfortable living. Can't complain, hard work does pay off. Gotta go cook and eat so I can hit the sack early for work tomorrow morning.

Peace

-T